The Numpty That Science Forgot.

11 Dec

As most people have already figured out, the AVN is a veritable cornucopia of – amongst other things – scientific inaccuracies, lies and misrepresentations.  In point of fact, any of the AVN fora are highly uncomfortable places to visit should you have even a passing acquaintance with science, logic or – when they really get going – reality.  This writhing hive of bad science, misunderstood terminology and confused statistics spews forth brown droplets of distilled stupid with alarming regularity, most of which are hurled straight back into the gaping maw from whence they issued.  Yes, there are more than enough people dealing with scientific side of things these days, so, at the risk of giving it the attention it so obviously craves, I thought I’d talk about the Numpty that Science Forgot: Johanna Holland.

This woman (if, indeed it is a woman) lay near and dear to most of us at the SAVN.  Chances are, if you’ve disproven, made fun of, corrected or even questioned any form of AVN stupidity, Johanna (henceforth refereed to as ‘Big-J’) has made a fake profile of you; I assume this is intended to hurt and offend, but personally I found the creation of my fake profile equal parts amusing and pitiable.

Big J – like the Batman – is an enigma wrapped in a mystery, wrapped in a tin-foil hat.  Appearing from the cloying mists of Facebook like an avenging angel she comes, brandishing her weapons of imitation and sarcasm, laying waste to all who would stand against righteous stupidity.  Then, in the blink of a page refresh, the masked avenger is gone; leaving in her wake the broken, soulless husks of those who have tasted her fake-profile vengeance.  Nothing more is known of this Tin-foil Knight, bar that she displays the behavioural moires of a vindictive eleven year old.  (Picture Skynet if it were confined only to Facebook, and it’s personality was extrapolated from the combined audio logs of every teenage boy on Xbox Live since it’s launch)

Regardless of who (or what) Big J really is, it’s hard to feel angry at her (him/them/it) when you sit down to think about what she (he/they) do.  Let’s do a quick experiment to try and estimate the time it takes to get one fake profile up and running:

1. First, lets register at gmail:

Total time: 47 seconds.

2. Next, let’s create our new profile on facebook:

Total time: 24 seconds

3. Time to trawl cyberspace for a suitably insulting picture to use for the profile:

Total time (estimate): 1 minutes, 30 seconds

4. Finally, we flesh out the profile, add some interests and join a few pages:

Total time 2 minutes, 17 seconds


So.  The grand-total (and bear in mind I was being very conservative; some of Big J’s fakes obviously have a lot more effort go into them) is around 5 minutes per profile. This obviously does not include things like posting comments, setting up relationship statuses and all that other whacky stuff Big J gets up to.  This is just to create the profiles, and at the last conservative estimate, Big J was running at least 10 fakes.  Taking this further, lets assume that Big J spends, on average, two and a half minutes on each profile, every day.  (I’m willing to bet that it’s a lot more than that, but lets shoot low.)

This gives us:

• Greater than 50 minutes of wasted life in creating the profiles to date.

• Approximately Three hours of wasted life per week maintaining them.

Three hours.  Three hoursThree hours.


Three hours each week spent doing … whatever it is she (he/they/it) think this is.  I can’t help but imagine what I could do with three extra hours a week (especially during exam time); Learn an instrument.  Educate myself on interesting topics like immunology.  Take guitar lessons.  Volunteer at an animal shelter.  Not do crazy things.

The list, as I’m sure you’ll agree, is positively endless.

Big J, if you’re reading this, I hope you manage to chase down happiness, whether it be through spending inordinate amounts of time trying to upset or hurt people via fake profiles, or through guitar lessons.  Whichever you choose, I’m sure you’ll be one of the very best in your field ♥

◊ 10 profiles * 2.5 minutes * 7 days = 175 minutes

♥ This may be deceptive in the case of fake profile creation, as not many adults do that sort of thing.  Nevertheless, I’m sure being better than angsty eleven year olds or 4chan is worth something.


Posted by on December 11, 2010 in Brown Nuggets Of Woo


Tags: ,

19 responses to “The Numpty That Science Forgot.

  1. reasonablehank

    December 11, 2010 at 2:21 pm

    Now consider that 70+ fake profiles have been created (admittedly not all by the one screaming mouthbreather…shurely thish cannot be the cashe). Maths hates me. You do the maths.

  2. kill3rtcell

    December 13, 2010 at 3:45 pm

    What I find funny is her choice of targets. The most active of the fakes seem to be those based only on the most active members of the Stop the Australian Vaccination Network facebook page, yet she steers clear of either creating or continually using profiles imitating the scientifically-literate members of said page. Telling much?

    She knows the AVN are up the creek, and all she can do is mock those who she can understand. Pathetic and hilarious at the same time.

    • Nipular

      January 10, 2011 at 8:35 pm

      Tsk Tsk Tommy. You don’t honestly believe the alter egos have anything remotely to do with vaccination or the AVN do you? I accept you may be naive to the stalking activities of members of the SAVN. Let’s just say that some members of “the team” have been engaged in illegal stalking activities. This was the motivation for the profiles, as far as I know.

  3. Nipular

    January 7, 2011 at 3:31 am

    Dear Rocky…Big J needs to know if you have a nipple piercing…for research purposes, of course…nothing sexual you understand.

    • stimulusresponse

      January 7, 2011 at 8:43 am

      I have three, one through each nipple. Are you morbidly obese? Just curious…nothing sexual you understand.

      • Nipular

        January 10, 2011 at 8:20 pm

        Interesting question Rocky. I’m guessing you mean like your friends Tabitha-Ann, Wendy Wilkinson, Jason Brown and Dave Porker the Storker Singer. LOL about the supernumerary nipple. How did you know that I have a longstanding interest in supernumerary nipples, dating back to childhood when I first read about them.

      • stimulusresponse

        January 10, 2011 at 8:49 pm

        What’s interesting, and quite telling, is your deflection. Specifically, a deflection to other people’s appearances.

  4. nipular

    January 7, 2011 at 5:40 am

    LOL, that you deleted my comment. Can’t wait for you to hang your Dr Romeo, Psychiatrist shingle. Take 20mg of Prozac and see me in a week. LOL. Like your latest Twitter photo – things that make you go Mmmm. LOL.

    • stimulusresponse

      January 7, 2011 at 8:42 am

      I didn’t delete it, I just had better things to do with my time than approve it. Like scratching my ass cleft and then sniffing my finger.

      • Nipular

        January 10, 2011 at 8:21 pm

        Must have been a glitch.

      • stimulusresponse

        January 10, 2011 at 8:45 pm

        No, probably just a bigoted, ignorant bogan that has to concentrate on doing the velcro straps of their shoes up.

  5. Nipular

    January 7, 2011 at 5:44 am

    Rocky, you haven’t allowed for economies of scale when calculating the time to create a profile. Practice makes perfect as they say.

    • stimulusresponse

      January 7, 2011 at 8:42 am

      I don’t think you actually understand what economy of scale means.

      • Nipular

        January 10, 2011 at 8:23 pm

        I understand what economies of scale means. Maybe you should read you blog again. You’re obviously on a different wavelength.

      • stimulusresponse

        January 10, 2011 at 8:44 pm

        Perhaps you should be educated. Oh, bugger it, I’ll do it.

        See, economy of scale is used to describe the cost of manufacturing an item. Obviously it gets cheaper the more items you make, as not only can you buy your resources in bulk, your manufacturing process can be tweaked and streamlined by people like cost, process and reliability engineers.

        Where you fell down is trying to apply a term that relates to tangible, fiscal entities to an intangible, non-fiscal entity, to wit, a website. I’ll break here so you can parse that and hopefully digest it.

        See, for economy of scale to even approach an analogy for your, frankly, amusing (laughing at, not with) facebook habits, it would have to cost you less time the more profiles you create, and I demonstrated – with quite basic mathematics, mind you – that this couldn’t be the case. Unless of course you employ someone to update the websites for you – which would be both hilarious and ironic.

  6. Nipular

    January 7, 2011 at 5:47 am

    *Takes deep breath* – through the mouth, of course.

    • stimulusresponse

      January 7, 2011 at 8:45 am

      I don’t have words for how unsurprised I am.

      Hey, while I think of it, you should totally check out:

      The Ultrawangpro 10k is just what you need I think. I hear Headcock have financing available, too!

      • Nipular

        January 10, 2011 at 8:29 pm

        Sorry Rocky, I didn’t find this even a little bit amusing. Obviously your sense of humour differs subtly from mine. I’m sure SAVN members would find it funny though.

      • stimulusresponse

        January 10, 2011 at 8:36 pm

        Of course you didn’t, because it was directed at you. We’ve all seen you engage in racism, bigotry and down-right unpleasantries like tormenting people with pictures of their dead animals. I’m just less patient with idiots – albeit amusing idiots – that treat other people with such disdain.

        I’m also sure that my sense of humor is tangential to yours, in that I have one.


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